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millbyers:

I said if you don’t bless the rains down in Africa, your mom’s a hoe

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sunbathe:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BSV8xvpjcQX/

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jump-n-shootman:

pikeisaman:

This was top tier comedy in middle school let me tell you

this is still top tier comedy today

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humblewonder:

September 28th, 6:27pm via @mistersievers

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Things straight people like (as learned from HGTV)

burnaday:

  • Mancaves: This is a room separate from the house with a large entertainment center and sound system, so no one can hear your existential weeping
  • Two Sink Bathrooms: Once your husband finds you rinsing out your Diva Cup, the magic is gone.
  • Hardwood floors that flow throughout the house: This makes it more likely your children will slip while running and maybe die, so you can finally get that divorce.
  • Open Concept Layouts: If no one sees you, what’s the point of pretending to be happy?
  • Office Space: Excellent for privacy while Skypeing with your lover in Belarus, the only person who really understands you. 
  • Walk in Closets: You can keep so many clothes in there, it might take years for someone to find the body.
  • Guest Rooms: In case a friend stays the night.
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beyonslayed:

Beyonce when she first put on a blond wig and realized she was that bitch

image
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lorde-daily:

Lorde photographed by Theo Wenner.

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